$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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