I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
