I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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