the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Terrible idea I love it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
