My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
