Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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