I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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