Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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