just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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