You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
