Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
