And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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