it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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