What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
