He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
