I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
