I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
