the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
