Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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