Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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