I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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