yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
