omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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