I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
