She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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