maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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