trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
