Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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