i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
