is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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