Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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