we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
