Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
