WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the day after is always just damage control
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
