You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
