Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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