Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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