Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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