And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
