I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
