I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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