i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
