Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
