Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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