I heard we made out
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
