Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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