I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
