I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
