I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
