We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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