Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
