The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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