So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
