grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
