I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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