I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
