I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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