I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
