i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
