Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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