your room smells of hookers.
And success
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
