And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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