my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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