is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
try to milk me bitch
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