problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
