i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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