I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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